Thursday, March 11, 2010

WANTED: Thoughts on Motherhood

I love being a mom. Becoming a mom was the single-most life-changing event in my life so far. I've whined recently that my son is almost twelve years old, and he's changing. He's stretching his wings and requiring more independence and freedom. And I'm lost. I'm not sure where I fit in these days, so I'm having to do a bit of letting go so he can grow, and its the hardest thing I've had to do.

This weekend The Little Guy is going camping with his faj. Actually, they may even be hunting hogs. (Sidenote: wild hogs... aren't they very aggressive and can come charging at my son at any minute???) My son is sooooo excited about this weekend. Then Monday will kick off his Spring Break. I had wanted him to go on a Boy Scout retreat with Hubby, but The Little Guy's faj had other ideas, and it is the faj's week to have The Little Guy, so I don't have much of a leg to stand on.

The Little Guy keeps telling me he's going to be just fine. Hubby keeps telling me the same thing. My paranoid mind keeps seeing accidents and ambulances and all things uncool. That's how my mind works most days. I should probably take up yoga or meditation to help soothe those frantic ideas, but I haven't committed to such things as of yet. I'm better at staying stressed out. (Matter of fact my dentist just told me on Tuesday to relax my jaw and I had the hardest time doing that.)

So, being a mom these days is full of trying to keep that strong facade visible to my family, while in my heart and in the small silent stretches of each day I'm fighting back tears and worry.

I would love some advice from those of you who've been through the pre-teen years and can offer some words of wisdom. I'm open to ideas for emotional survival. I know that sounds dramatic since I will survive this time and the roller-coaster years beyond that. But, any help you ladies can offer about fending off the overly hormonal emotions that I keep finding myself buried in would be greatly appreciated.

Now, back to side-tracking myself with work. Isn't it funny how that can be a reprieve from familial realities sometimes?