Thursday, June 25, 2009

How crazy am I?

I really wonder about that. In the words of Green Day, "I'm a walking contradiction" sometimes.

I love having good friends, but I also love solitude. I don't want too many phone calls in a day, if you know what I mean. I love to schedule a girlie get-together, but I don't want anyone calling me too often needing to cry on my shoulder, or just call me with nothing to say so that there is a lot of awkward silence and empty filler.

What a great friend am I?

Then I find myself getting lonely and reaching out to see who feels like chatting on the phone, or who wants to get together for a beverage. I'll schedule a lunch date or an after work hang out session then I'm good to go for a month or so.

Then there is the aspect of wanting to do good in my community, of wanting to help out more at the church or volunteer for various philanthropic causes. But, I don't want to give up my family time, my crafts, or lounging time too often. I hate running from one thing to the next day after day, week after week. I need things on MY terms most of the time, if you know what I mean.

What kind of a volunteer does that make me?

Then there is the basic need to work outside the home. I love providing for my family's welfare, and all of the other things that come with having an income, but I find myself wanting to be a stay-at-home-mom a lot these days. Or heck, just be a professional shopper like my mom. But, where would the funds come from for that profession? I always forget to play the lottery so I'm not exactly increasing my odds for that possibility. And I think about going back to school, getting a Masters and a Teaching Certificate and working towards becoming a professor, a very eccentric one in my old age. But, then I think I like my current job just fine... my easy somewhat cushy job that can be monotonous without many rewards most days.

What kind of an employee does that make me?

Maybe I'm normal. Maybe I'm just stuck in this "rat race" living life in a somewhat full way so that I'll have the basic necessities and comforts of American life. I guess I want to "give back" like most people do, but just don't want to give "too much" of me away in the process.

But, you know what? I could easily adjust to being one of those Trust Fund Baby types... living off the interest someone else invested for me, globe-trotting on a whim, finding myself in the society pages regularly. Then again, maybe I want too much privacy for that lifestyle. Can I just take the money and live as a recluse???

ahhh, the tangled web that is my brain.... Thanks for stopping by to read my drivel for today!