Thursday, August 14, 2008
I'm certainly a worrier to the point that I wonder if I'm neurotic sometimes. I seem to worry on a regular basis about all sorts of things that I shouldn't even be thinking about for long stretches of time. I worry about my son....will he have a safe day, a good day, is he content, does he enjoy his life, will he get hurt at practice, is he eating enough or too much, does he get enough exercise, is he a bully or is he being bullied, does he really think I'm a good mom...the list goes on and on.
But wait, that's not all! I also worry about my thoughts, my dreams that I keep to myself because they don't fit with the life I've created, the chores I haven't completed, if I have bad breath, how my body changes as I age, if my sister thinks I'm cool, if my son thinks I'm cool, if my mom thinks I'm a good daughter, am I a good wife, am I the best mom I can be, do I have food in my teeth or enough lipstick on, are my pantie lines visible, are my teeth white enough, how much will I shrink in old age (because I really can't afford to lose much height), that I need to work out more, give back to the community, pray more, listen better.... Ok, I'll shut up now.
Why do I do this to myself? I have to correct myself mentally all the time when I find obsessive thoughts invading my head. I have to tell myself that I'm thinking irrationally and to move on to better things. Are other people this way? I remember hearing from several parents over the years that something happens to you when you become a parent; that worry takes over in all kinds of ways. Is that when my thoughts changed, when I became a parent? I don't remember being this crazy when I was pre-maternal. Maybe I was crazy but I just thought that I was cool and whatever I thought up was brilliant. Who knows....
I do know that it seems to be getting worse as I age. When I was in my twenties I thought that when I turned thirty that this wealth of wisdom would fall from the sky and I would feel so calm and knowledgeable about so many things. Well, that was a few years ago and I'm getting more neurotic and vain as the years tick by. I guess I'll try to focus on the rumor that when a woman enters her forties she becomes carefree and comfortable in her own skin. Ok. I'm counting on this to take place. I'm going to see if I can make it happen sooner than when I turn forty. The thought of having to worry about my worries for another six years just might push me over the edge for good!
Posted by Shorty at Thursday, August 14, 2008