Thursday, January 29, 2009

Not feeling like a CrossFit-er

Ok, there is something that's been nagging at my thoughts since this past weekend. Hubby wants me to go to some Saturday morning CrossFit classes with him from time to time. (Let me back up...I told him I wanted us to workout together more...I needed his help and motivation.) But, I haven't wanted to go to CrossFit in a long time. I told him that I would go this Saturday, tho, and give it another shot. I've been worrying about Saturday morning ever since. But, without telling him of course. Now he'll know since he reads my blog...

A bit of history. I've tried CrossFit. Hubby does it regularly and loves it. I liked it when I tried it. But, some things happened that were embarrassing to me. And, as most of you women know, embarrassing things can often times translate to humiliation for us. That's what happened with me regarding going back to CrossFit. At one work out we were doing some box jumps. I'm pretty short. 5'1". I'm thin and toned, but not with big muscles or anything, so my ability to jump high isn't the greatest. I started doing my box jumps and fell right on my ass, rolling over onto my back right in front of everyone. I got up laughed it off and just started doing step-ups instead of jumping onto the platform. I was embarrassed when it happened but didn't want it to stop me completely.

Another time we were doing this fire hose drag exercise. Have you ever tried pulling a fire hose? Yeah, they are heavy. Especially for little ol me. I pulled a muscle in my left arm that took several months to heal. I haven't been back to CrossFit since that episode.

I read about the workouts regularly. I want to be one of those girls with super cut muscles and super mom style endurance. But I feel like I don't want it bad enough. I like who I am. I'm a girly-girl. I like running on a treadmill. I like going to Latin Fusion classes. I like Pilates and dancing. I'm not a super serious fitness guru. And when I start trying to make myself more like my Hubby I begin to sweat.

He's super fit, hunky, gorgeous and very athletic. He's cut and buff and all those other adjectives that go along with guys who look amazing even without a tan. And, he's an amazing CrossFit-er. I can't compete with him. I really and honestly don't want to. So I'm not sure why I even bother giving it mental time. He's got workout buddies to compete with him. I would love for us to be able to work out together, but I think I'm just going to have to suck it up and admit that with working out we are not very compatible. Granted it's taken him years to get to the level he's at. I know one Saturday every six months isn't going to give me the same results.

He knows I'm scared of the CrossFit workouts. I'm totally intimidated by them. When we do the Saturday thing its always in teams and I don't want to be the slacker that lets down the team by not holding my own weight...literally. Hubby tries to tell me not to worry about it, just do what I can, its all about the effort, my mind is what's stopping me. He's mind is stopping me. I can't get past the worrying and the fear of humiliation and letting down a team. I know I'm dwelling on the issue and its not that big of a deal. But, I still don't feel comfy with our plans for Saturday morning. I want to bow out. Again. Why can't I feel more tough??? I feel like I need sticky notes all over my desk, my car and my fridge with reminders of "You can do it!" I'll let you know how it goes...